Dating
The Disabled Person

I love my Black brothers and sisters. We the disabled just have a few things we would want my brothers and sisters to think about.   

The disabled love going to a good Raider football game like last Monday night when Oakland finally stomped on Denver or the San Fran 49ers beating up on hapless Detroit. The disabled love going to the movies like the new Denzel rogue policeman role in Training Day. The disabled love a nice Korean Bulgolki lunch or dinner. They love talking about politics with our friends in Berkeley, Oakland, and San Fran.  Some of us can even bowl a very mean game once in awhile, but we still feel left out of the dating game. 

I’m making a challenge to Yolanda and Derrick; I’m also making that same challenge to all of the non-disabled readers of Gibbs Magazine. 

Yolanda and Derek talk about love, they discuss how they date and whom they would date. They talk about money and the clothes they would wear. They talk about what makes a date hot or not. I wonder if they would even look at a disabled person in those same contexts or would you two take a disabled person to the movies or to have drinks. I wonder if you two have even thought about an intimate encounter with a disabled person.  

Yes, Yolanda and Derek, we disabled have a sex life too. Derek, my fine brother, would you even look at a beautiful Black disabled female? You are just like any other non-disabled Black male in his mid twenties or thirties; you would not even contemplate a chance encounter with a disabled person, let alone date one. Derek talks about how woman flaunt their stuff in front of him; I wonder if a real fine disabled woman did the same, would he be interested or would he just turn his back?

Would my sister Yolanda think a Black disabled male in his motorized wheelchair sexy? Or would she, like she said in one of her articles, look deep into a man’s sole before she would make that choice? Hmmm, how deep would she be with a disabled brother? 

Disabled brothers don’t make a lot of money, so the big BMW, the 14-carat ring, and the dinner at the Marriott would be limited or impossible to give when you wanted it. Would Yolanda, or any able-bodied sister, still spend time with a fine disabled brother? 

 I wrote this poem a few years ago after a very trying night with one of the most beautiful Black woman that I’ve ever dated. We went to see my beloved New York Knicks play the Golden State Warriors. All she had to do was show up; the tickets were there. She did not have to pay for the food, just enjoy the game. At the end of the night, walking her to her inaccessible apartment. She stated, I would love to be with you, but I cannot see a future-- meaning being intimate with a disabled male. I truly love being your friend; you are bright, funny, political, a sports nut, and very loving. I’m sitting at her front steps thinking what more do you want or need? This woman is still my friend, and we talk about that night often. Now she is married with three wonderful kids.*                     

This is a poem of thought and of great pain suffered through life. We all grow up with troubles and pain, but we all overcome them with the help of others. What I’m saying to my brothers and sisters is this, next time that you see a disabled brother or sister, take the time to know him or her. Take the time to understand, please take the time to love them; they need it too. I do not mean pity, I mean real love with real conversation; we are people too, with the same likes and dislikes as the able-bodied.

Yes, Derek we too love fine, beautiful, black woman. Every man knows beauty when he sees it.  I’ve dated a few from all races.Yes, Derrick we love sex too.

BUT RELATIONSHIPS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THEN ONE-NIGHT STANDS.  

Yes, Yolanda, we are smart, caring, and loving people; we just have to work a little harder. THE DISABLED HAVE TO ALWAYS IMPRESS THE NON DISABLED WOMAN BECAUSE THEY ARE CONSTANTLY OVERLOOKED. 

Maybe we don’t look like Denzel Washington or maybe we can’t sing like Luther Vandross or play football like Tony Dorsett.      But if you care for us we will return the love to you two-fold. We love and honor our women. We care and protect them like any normal man would. We help them become beautiful, wonderful people. Why? Because we devote our full and undivided attention to the relationship and the person.  

The disabled stay in relationships longer, trying to work out the many different problems that able-bodied people would never attempt to work out. So, my brothers and sisters, think about it.  And thank you Yolanda and Derrick for inspiring me to write this article.
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* See the poem here.    

THAT IS THE GRAY LINE

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